Honestly, I'm scared.

This time round, I'm really scared. So stressed up and I just feel like a useless person. I don't know what's my future like. I've been trying and trying, always trying not giving up any hope but I'm feeling I'm holding on for nothing. I'm optimistic about my next step but at the same time, reviews from others just made my heart sway. I don't know if I'm able to make it.

I see my transformation ever since I tried to step out of it. I placed my focus on what's is now important to me and I realised I lost the other half of me. It's scary to just realise it after so many years.

Tell me, where is my future? I really don't know if I'm able to keep my optimism high this time round. The word "Meritocracy" just makes me move backwards a hundred steps. THIS IS FREAKING SCARY!

Encouragement make me move forward at the same time, I'm afraid of the mistake I've made years ago. I hate to be in that situation again. Why is this so complicated? I guess, the only thing I can do right now besides being scared, is to just work even harder. I'll try!

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